No one prepares you for cancer. I got the call in April, unfortunately on my husband's birthday, that I Indeed had cancer. First but was definitely shock and numbness to the fact. I didn't know how to feel or process this news. Then it came. I was having constant just outburst of tears. I was scared, mad, and defeated. I already have fibromyalgia now I have a possible death sentence. Why am I sharing this? It's for anyone who may end up in the same boat one day. So what were the next steps? I got a port put in surgery wasn't too bad was pretty sore but went ok. I met with an oncologist and immediately had to prepare myself for chemo. I wasn't really sure what to think about chemo i didn't know how bad it could be etc. First chemo tried to kill me.. in the first week I had a nuetrophenic fever and was in the ER for over a week. After that I had to take leave from work. I wanted to work to begin with and we need the money but my health just couldn't keep up. Second week on that chemo put me into anephylatic shock. Never experienced that before luckily all the nurses were prepared and saved my life. Again in the hospital but only over night. They put me on a different chemo and I had no issues after. I lost my hair, gained weight, still gaining, and exhausted. Crazy to feel weak after putting dishes away or carrying in a bag of groceries. Kills me because I like being strong, independent and capable. Right now I'm too tired to really being any of it. I am now on my last chemo regime. The red devil has a lot of scary side effects and can be very intimidating. It comes in a vial that the nurse has to inject slowly and it's red. It makes you very nauseous, very tired and weak. I can't very walk far when I'm on it at first because i get out of breath and exhausted. I get better once the side effects fade. I had to get my port replaced before The red devil because the one I had was giving me horrible pains in my neck. The hospital did some scans and found out the tube that's supposed to be connected to a vein had come back into itself. So the new surgeon replaced it on the other side and sewed it in the neck this time to keep it from happening. Again in the hospital for a week. I've been to the ER so often it's driving me crazy. I don't wish cancer on anyone. It's mentally and physically challenging. You're literally killing yourself to live. The thought of death at your door when you're left in the unknown is heart breaking.