Book iii - Limen
Tether
Tether represents something that I continue to struggle with after six years of sobriety - recalling the past and some of the darkest/most difficult moments that came with alcohol addiction.
While that part of my life is behind me, and I can't change the past, I still have very fond memories of experiencing intense sadness, helplessness, grief, shame, guilt, and how I found myself in a place of not wanting to die - but also not necessarily wanting to live.
It's a day to day challenge remembering back on the darkest of those times. And while I've left that life behind, it doesn't exactly mean I consciously choose to act as if they never happened.
I find it helps to keep my focus on making active amends - this idea that you never stop trying to make things right, and there isn't a finish line to cross....
...but in the back of my mind, I know I'm always connected to that past in one form or another.
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"Tethered to the life I once lived, no matter how hard I try to push it away…
…there’s shame, guilt, pain, sorrow…
…and a time I regret wasting.
There are years forever lost,
Moments internally enshrined,
Memories intertwined where all i could do is hold the line.
Some live to forget, and others live in regret;
I’m somewhere in between, and forever tethered..
Even though times have changed, active amends continue, and I will always carry that time in life as my own…
…I’ll always carry some amount of guilt, shame, and sorrow.
I’m somewhere in between, and forever tethered to who I used to be…"
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‘Book iii - Limen’
‘Limen’ - a threshold or border between one thing and another….
Bridging thresholds & borders, transitioning from one to another, being in an in-between state…all of these represent the Latin word Limen, serving as the title of my third book & collection of aurora images on Ethereum.
Being in-between one state and another has always been symbolic for me when chasing the aurora, especially since my sobriety journey is deeply rooted in it. I’m somewhere between short term and long term recovery now, with six years under my belt, and still navigating highs & lows that come with the journey.
I’m also in a period of transition with getting back to chasing. The last three winters saw an unreliable car stay unreliable, and financial challenges from my time in addiction needed to be addressed. I chose to consciously focus on the priorities of paying down some debt, while working toward a new to me car, and grieving family members that passed on during that time as well.
In those couple of winters that I couldn’t chase, I learned a ton about myself as my recovery continues. I’ve been there for others in their darkest hours, had some pretty dark moments myself, and discovered the importance of active amends….
…which brings me to an in-between state, fitting for my third book, ‘Limen.’
I want to stay open, vulnerable, and continue building on the provenance established in 2021 with my first collection (Book I - Expressions of Presence). I also want to keep exploring the highs, lows, and everything in-between through the writing that accompanies the images. Covering things like incidentally remembering the feelings of withdrawal, secondary trauma, stigmas of addiction, and the unknowns of the long term are all pieces of my journey that I want to share. Fundamentally, I strive to share the experiences and journey in hopes that others may find connection, meaning, or solace in them in a meaningful way.